HOW TO: FIGHT AGAINST PERFECTIONISM

As I've mentioned in my former post, I've been wanting to write about perfectionism as this is a major part of me and as a lot of people probably suffer from it. Yes, I say 'suffer' because to me, it can be really hard to live with a high level of expectations and it can make you struggle a lot in life.

First things first, people may not know what perfectionism really is, so let's start with defining its meaning. Perfectionism involves the need to be perfect or appear perfect and that not only in appearances but also through everything you do. Not only can you be judging yourself to that high standart but also the others which can be annoying and painful for them but disappointing for you as you never feel truly satisfied with anything. The other part of being a perfectionist is that you have a massive fear of failure that usually mean you don't live rewards entirely as you feel it is not truly deserved but you also like challenges. Perfectionism is really complex and people can experience it so differently that I can't go into details without thinking 'it may not be the same for someone else' or 'that might be right or could be something else'. Anyway, even though it is not a disorder per say, it should be taken seriously as it can be lived as a nightmare.

The main reason that you can be disappointed and always unsatisfied is that the level of expectations you're trying to reach is often intangible and hard to please.
I'm not saying that in order to be less of a perfectionist you shouldn't be ambitious and expect the best from life but if it is no realizable, just admit it and move on.
(Really easy to say but so hard to accept when it comes to your life, your decisions.)

There are different types of perfectionism as I said, it can either be:
• The need to be perfect
• The need for others to be perfect or
• The thought that others need you to be perfect.

I'm not really able to talk about it that much but I can share my experience with you since I've always been a perfectionist.
When I was little, I thought it was being a good girl that doing things properly, thinking things through to never ever make a mistake. When I think about it, that is probably why I've always said I couldn't talk English in front of anyone before I was completely bilingual  and I've been through a lot to overcast this fear. I now am close to be able to talk to anyone in English (but my family) but only because I've been to England, I've been told my english was very good which probably helped a hell of a lot. Sometimes you can't imagine how much random people can help by complimenting you.
I realized how much of a perfectionist I was thanks to the little monsters I was looking after as an aupair. They kept calling me a perfectionist and kept saying 'Everything doesn't have to be perfect Margaux!' They could not stand the fact that I need perfectionism around me.
'You haven't done the icing properly', 'this chocolate button isn't in the middle', 'you handwriting isn't really neat', etc. I might have given them a hard time without even knowing it.
 
Anyhow, I've identified Michael Jackson as a music God ever since I was little and couldn't help but thinking that his perfectionism got him to where he was. He created flawless music and flawless choreographies and I've always admired him as no one else. I only just realized lately that perfectionism not only brought him to the top but also to the grave. Trying too hard, never being satisfied up to the point that nothing is good enough. I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense or if I'm just rambling a lot but this is how I feel.

I only figured I was that much of a perfectionist last year. I've always known I was trying my best at everything but just didn't realize it was perfection I was aiming for.
Random list of stupid things you're doing when you're a perfectionist:
• Perfect handwriting up to the point of rewriting an entire notebook from page 1 to last again and again until it looks perfect.
• Prevent yourself from doing everything you REALLY love because those things needs to be perfectly done much more than other insignificant things. (e.g: speaking English, singing, playing music, talking, etc. in public)
• Impossibility to create anything you can be proud of and therefore creation is made even more difficult than it could.
• Can't stand that people don't do things the way you would want them to do.
• Enable you to create any content such as Youtube (or even blogging sometimes) because you don't want your flaws to be revealed to everyone.

I'm going to extend this last point as I've been wanting to explain this whole YouTube thing. As some of you may know, I've started a beauty/lifestyle channel in June and stopped after two months because the content I was creating wasn't good enough to me. I want to share a lot more with you guys, I want to do makeup tutorials and hair tutorials but think that my setting isn't good enough for that. I don't have any good lights, any good place in my house to film or anyone to help get it right. I'd like my videos to be much more entertaining so you don't get bored of watching them. I will go back to it when I feel ready for it. For now, I will try to post DIY and tutorials on this blog with as much good photos as I can.

I realize I haven't talked as much as I wanted about how to fight perfectionism. I would be really happy to answer all your questions if you have any. Feel free to share anything you want as we are all here to help one another. Whenever you feel like perfectionism is stopping you from doing anything you feel like doing, don't forget you are not alone, we need to accept that you sometimes learn from your mistakes, that things do get better with experience and that everything isn't just natural to everyone.
Also, procrastination isn't the best option even though it is probably the easiest one.

(I'm saying that but you can tell I haven't delt with this perfectionism problem myself).

I hope this has helped anyone who struggles with this issue or even clarify things to people who are confronted to perfectionists but can't understand what the fuss is all about.
Also, as one, I have to admit that I also think perfectionism still had its good aspects. It gives you the opportunity to always give your best, to try harder and improve in everything you do as your expectations are so high that even if you can't reach them, you will be providing a good and well thought work.

I shall leave it there. Let me know if those kind of posts interest you and if you want to read more of those. I'd be happy to make you happy!

Are you a perfectionist? How do you live with it? What are your thoughts on that particular subject?

CHEERIO

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